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MatildaMagic – Bloody hell! Have you seen the news about that website which people commit adultery on got hacked and all their names have been released? @BarnetForever @Feathers @MarriedWithoutChildren @Michelin @Gordon88 @DollyMixtures52

Gordon88 – that’s gonna start some awkward conversations…
BarnetForever – Why didn’t I hear about this website before?

Gordon88 – I don’t know where to start with this. You know those dating websites which use now happily married success story former users to publicise themselves? Do you think they could do that?

Gordon88 – Here’s Janet and Pete. They met on adultery.com and haven’t looked back! They’ve been successfully slyly meeting up in hotel rooms without being rumbled for nearly 3 months now! This could be you!

Gordon88 – Bored with the hum drum of married life? Fancy a brush with the CSA? Then at adultery.com we can help you have lots of extra marital sex and potentially ruin the entire future of your family.

MatildaMagic – why would you morally even set up a website for cheating?

Gordon88 – Free month’s trial! Join up now! I like a freebie.

MatildaMagic – you have to be married?

Gordon88 – I will pretend.

MatildaMagic – You’ll have to get a wedding ring
Gordon88 – errr why??

MatildaMagic – good point.

BarnetForever – Must have been an interesting conversation when the site owners pitched the business plan to their bank manager!

MatildaMagic – Imagine all those poor women who are going to find out their husbands have been cheating on them!

Gordon88 – No luv it isn’t me! Must be some other guy called Engelbert Humblethacker.

Gordon88 – why are you assuming it’s all just men? There are probably just as many men finding out their wives have played away

MatildaMagic – Bet you it is more men being caught

Gordon88 – Maybe but I bet more women have been doing it than you think

MatildaMagic – If I was married I don’t think I’d want to look at the list of the offenders! Just in case.

Gordon88 – Hotel rooms booked on my credit card? No…must be a mistake. Where have I been going every Saturday night? You didn’t believe I was playing bridge?

Feathers – Is nowhere sacred?

MarriedWithoutChildren – Excuse me?

Gordon88 – Not even the adulterers are safe!

MarriedWithoutChildren – Does somebody have something to tell me?

Feathers – Don’t worry, I am not on the list.

MarriedWithoutChildren – Good. That’ll save me swinging by a department store on the way home and procuring some fairly industrial kitchenware.

Gordon88 – It’s fine. We already checked.

Feathers – Yeah, don’t worry…when I tried setting up an account the website crashed. Bloody site maintenance!

Gordon88 – Not a surprise they have been hacked!

Feathers – So I just stuck to hookers and one night stands
MarriedWithoutChildren – Ha ha. Aren’t you the little comedians?

DollyMixtures52 – You guys out tonight? Drink in Camden?

MatildaMagic – Camden…again? #tourists

Gordon88 – why are you using a hashtag?

MatildaMagic – I thought it was a thing?

Gordon88 – a thing for what? Only we can see it? This isn’t social media.

Gordon88 – unless you are sharing this on social media, which means the lawsuits and arrests are going to come thick and fast!

MatildaMagic – what exactly are you planning on messaging?

Feathers – all this time and his membership of a banned far right group only comes up now

DollyMixtures52 – Focus – what about Hampstead?
MatildaMagic – Or Highgate?

BarnetForever – Can’t go to Red Lion & Sun, girl was with in January works there & she’s not exactly happy with me
MarriedWithoutChildren – is that the one you slept with and then sneaked out when she was in the bathroom?
BarnetForever – No, you mean the girl I met on the Overground at Wembley

MarriedWithoutChildren – Oh, so why is the one from Highgate unhappy with you?

BarnetForever – I didn’t actually do anything to her, with her yes

Gordon88 – Lovely.

BarnetForever – I met her on the Northern line, we got chatting, we went for a drink in her pub, we got quite drunk and then had a lock in.

Gordon88 – is the London public transport network your adultery.com?

BarnetForever – 1 am we started having sex on the pool table

Gordon88 – now this is why this can only be seen by us

Gordon88 – were there no beds or couches available?

Gordon88 – 1

MarriedWithoutChildren – Why on the pool table?!

Gordon88 – 2

BarnetForever – I always wanted to try it. Anyway, I’ve gone down on her and then her boyfriend walks in

Gordon88 – 3

MarriedWithoutChildren – Did you know she had a boyfriend?

Gordon88 – 4

Feathers – Why are you counting?

BarnetForever – No, well I might have guessed.

MarriedWithoutChildren – so what happened next?

Gordon88 – 5

BarnetForever – he went fucking mental! Then she, after a slanging match, suggested we have a threesome FFS! I got the hell out of there.

Feathers – well I suppose you didn’t pot the pink!

Gordon88 – And there we go. Wondered how long it would take for the inevitably tedious snooker sex gag.

Feathers – Come on, someone had to say it!

Gordon88 – no they didn’t. And it was a pool table so it didn’t work anyway!

Feathers – You’ve snookered me there.

DollyMixtures52 – as fun as it is thinking about @BarnetForever having a sex lock in, what about tonight?

Gordon88 – I like the Flask

BarnetForever – No can do…another girl I know drinks there…soz

DollyMixtures52 – Are there any pubs in North London which don’t contain females you have messed about?

Gordon88 – or tube trains, stations, buses…

BarnetForever – Let me think…

Gordon88 – pool tables…

MatildaMagic – You still using your work user account Dolly?

BarnetForever – The Bull…no girls I know drink or work in there…I think

Gordon88 – Isn’t that a gay pub? Ironic.

DollyMixtures52 – Nobody seems to ever contact my work address

MatildaMagic – Business slow?

MatildaMagic – No, The Bull is gay friendly if there is such a thing

BarnetForever – it is friendly.