So, to recap, at the end of the last episode of this enthralling story the Prince and his entourage (including a talking horse, a gay Dragon, a sheep, a congenital liar of a wandering Minstrel, an absolutely minging Dwarf and a very powerful Sorcerer with a penchant for “out-ing” senior members of the royal family) were marching back to Prince Charming’s kingdom to have it out with his Dad about the Royal curse and the suggestion that the King wasn’t being completely up front about his sexuality.
Exciting stuff eh?
But they had left behind the Prince’s servant, his faithful old companion Archie. They believed him to have vanished in a puff of smoke but actually the Sorcerer was way overrated so that Archie was really writhing about in a cave, bound in rope and his mouth covered in tape.
This episode will primarily be about Archie. That hard working engine room boy who always puts the interests of his sire first despite his personal aversion to homosexuality and talking horses. The aforementioned man servant managed, after several hours, to wriggle out of the caves where he used the fading daylight to spot a craggy rock which he rubbed the rope against for the entire night before it finally frayed and broke in the morning so that he could rip the tape from his mouth. An agonising yell echoed about the valley as he also removed a week’s worth of stubble.
“Bloody liberals!” he shouted before haring down the mountainside as fast as
his legs could carry him.
Back with Prince Charming’s posse, a few squabbles were happening due in the most part to the Minstrel who was something of a fibber.
“So then?” the Prince stopped them as they reached the edge of a forest. “If
we are to believe the wandering Minstrel, this wood contains ghosts who will devour
us and trap our own souls here for a long and miserable eternity.”
“Yes sire!” as if to back this up the Minstrel picked a string on his lute, raised his eyebrows and flared his nostrils.
“What a load of bollocks!” cried the Sorcerer before striding into the woods.
The rest of them followed, all giving the Minstrel a look of disdain.
Archie’s work ethic could never be doubted. Nor so his loyalty to the Prince. But the one area in which he certainly was limited was his intelligence. He had come bottom of his class in servant school so it was a surprise when he had been appointed to the service of the young Prince and heir to the throne when they were both teenagers. Many put it down to his determination to walk through brick walls in order to assist his master, always an admirable trait in any man servant. Some have subsequently claimed it was his dashing good looks and muscular physique that got him the role.
Either way, he was not the sharpest tool in the box, something he would prove on a daily basis. So the chances of him formulating a plan to defeat the Sorcerer with would seem fairly remote. However Archie was doing exactly that.
He began by stealing a horse from outside an Inn and rode into the night, guided by the Moon and supremely confident that he would overtake the others and return to the Kingdom in enough time to tell the King about the dastardly Sorcerer and his evil plot to cast aspersions on people’s sexuality.
By midnight Archie found himself on the coast. As the waves crashed onto the pebbled beach, he pulled on the reins to stop the horse and frowned.
“The sea is miles away from the Kingdom!” he exclaimed angrily.
“Yes,” nodded his horse. “I was going to say something but I thought I’d leave the navigation up to you.”
“Always follow the Moon!” groaned Archie. “That’s what they say…”
“Who says that? Werewolves?”
Archie stopped dead for a moment.
“Is there something wrong?” inquired the horse.
“Percy?”
“Yes?”
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“You stole me remember? From outside that Inn?”
“What? You mean that the Prince and those clowns were staying at that Inn?”
“Yes, we’d walked through a gigantic forest and as darkness fell we were very tired so went to the Inn for the night.”
“So then!” Archie clasped his forehead in exasperation. “Of all the horses I could have taken in the land, I manage to steal the only talking one…”
“I think it’s quite sweet really,” Percy remarked. “It shows that we were always meant to be.”
“But I hate you!” Archie yelled. “If it was up to me you’d be dog food!”
“You always hurt the one you love most,” said Percy knowingly.
“Or glue!”
“You picked me. There were lots of other steeds but you went with me.”
“Oh great! So how do we get back to the Kingdom?”
“I know the way!”
“I thought you might…”
“Yes, that Sorcerer was really going off on a tangent. He was going round in circles. I became especially concerned when his book of spells turned out to be the ‘Kingdom’s Good Pub Guide’.”
“How’s the Prince?” Archie asked. “He must be quite shaken after I didn’t come back.”
“Oh no, he was rather cheerful. We agreed you had perished for the cause.”
“I see. At least I was seen as a hero then?”
“Not quite, more like cannon fodder.”
“Just get us back to the King’s Castle…”
“Of course!”
“And Percy?”
“Yes Archie?”
“Don’t tell the others about me taking us here.”
“Very strange,” puzzled the Prince as the merry band stood outside the Inn
the next morning. “For Percy to go running off like that?”
“I didn’t see anything!” shrugged the Dragon. “I was in the barn.”
“And you?” the Prince asked the sheep.
“I was in bed with the Sorcerer!”
“Of course…sorry. Well, I must procure another horse from somewhere. In
the mean time this journey will all be on foot.”
“Just mount me!” the Dragon suggested. “I can fly to your Dad’s castle in a
few hours!”
The Dragon obligingly crouched down for them all to climb up his tail and sit on his back.
“All aboard!” he cried before leaping forward and flapping his wings to head up into the clouds.
Archie and Percy reached a small fort approximately halfway towards the Kingdom that morning. They stopped at the moat where the guards regarded them suspiciously.
“What the hell do you want?” barked one of them from the tower overlooking the moat.
“We come in peace!” Archie raised his hands. “I am manservant to Prince Charming.”
“That old queen? Oh okay…”
The drawbridge was lowered so that they crossed the moat and went through the castle gates into the centre square where they were met by a Troll in armour.
“Why all the security?” asked Archie.
“It’s them damn Dragons!” growled the Troll. “They keep attacking the Kingdoms. We are here to warn them off!”
“How exactly?” Percy inquired.
“Well,” the Troll continued. “We have designed a new weapon which will…did that horse just speak?”
“You’ll get used to it,” Archie rolled his eyes.
“I see…well anyway…we have a new weapon to see them off!”
“May we see it?” Percy smiled at him.
“Yes,” the Troll clicked his fingers so that a guard raced up to him holding a rifle.
The Troll proudly showed the rifle to the visitors before cocking it with a sharp click and producing a bullet from his pocket which he placed in the barrel. Locking the gun, he straightened it up and raised the weapon in the air, pointing it towards a stray chicken that was clucking about on the cobbles a few yards away from them.
“Watch this!” he winked at them before taking aim. “And be careful. This thing has quite a kick on it.”
He pulled the trigger and thrust himself violently forwards so that the bullet slid from the barrel with a rattle and landed on the cobbles just in front of the chicken. The bird was frightened enough to flutter away with a little squawk before it recovered enough to continue pecking on bits of loose corn in the square.
“I’m not entirely convinced that will scare off the Dragons,” Percy spoke up.
“Really? Well look at this!” the Troll clicked his fingers again so that two guards arrived with a large cannon on wheels. “Watch this!” the Troll was given a large rock ball which he put in the top of the cannon. The two guards cocked the cannon back so that the top was pointed to the sky. With a loud grunt they yanked it down so that the ball rolled out and landed with a thud a few metres away. The chicken fluttered away further.
“See?” the Troll and his guards proudly stood by the weapon of minimal destruction.
“It’s missing something,” remarked Archie.
“It’ll miss everything it is aimed at,” sighed Percy. “Unless you want to break the toes of your enemies?”
“It’s missing that WOW factor,” nodded Archie.
“Missing something?” Percy coughed. “It’s got a factor beginning with ‘W’ but it’s definitely not WOW.”
“You try doing better!” the Troll glared at him.
“Anybody got an elastic band?” replied Percy.
“Don’t listen to his cheek!” Archie told the Troll. “Personally you’re within your rights to slit his throat and chuck him in the moat.”
“No, no,” the Troll rubbed Percy’s mane. “If you have suggestions to make
they will be much appreciated.”
“Do you have a laboratory?”
“Yes, it’s a bit dirty and it gets blocked sometimes…”
“A laboratory!”
“What’s that?” the Troll then looked at Archie in confusion.
“Slaughter him,” Archie replied. “Quick slice of the sword around his throat.
He wouldn’t feel a thing.”
Percy headed away to a room off the courtyard where he demanded several
tools and devices. Archie went off to the alehouse at the other side to play darts. A
few hours later he emerged from the Inn into the moonlit courtyard to witness Percy and the Troll standing over the cannon.
“So?” frowned the Troll. “I just light this?”
“Yes,” nodded Percy.
The Troll lit the wick at the back of the cannon so that a spark went off and it began burning down.
“I’d back away if I was you,” Percy retreated from the weapon.
The wick was burned to the end so that the Troll marched away.
Boom!
A large plume of smoke came from the cannon as the ball was propelled high into the air whilst the fort shook. It did so even more when the ball hit the castle wall and smashed an almighty hole through it thus reducing it to a pile of rubble.
As the smoke cleared and the screaming stopped, the Troll removed his hands from his ears and went to study the debris.
“Brilliant,” he remarked to Percy. “You’ve destroyed the North wall of the fortress thus meaning we are highly vulnerable to attack!”
“Yes, sorry,” Percy frowned. “I should have thought that one through.”
“You idiot Percy!” exclaimed Archie. “Look what you’ve done! Hang him immediately!”
“But don’t you see?” the Troll turned to Archie after ordering one of the guards to send for the bricklayer. “This thing will terrify the Dragons!”
“I think we should put it in the tower,” suggested Percy. “From there it should be at its most devastating.”
“You’re a brilliant horse,” the Troll said prior to ordering the guards to take the cannon up to the tower which produced many moans, groans and torn hernias.
Percy couldn’t fit in the tower so that left the Troll and Archie to stomp up there where they could see high over the countryside which was lit up by the full Moon. The guards had pulled up the cannon and a new ball had been placed in it.
“That horse is a genius,” grinned the Troll.
“That horse is getting on my nerves,” scowled Archie.
The Dragon soared into the sky as his passengers began falling asleep.
Suddenly from nowhere came a ball of fire which connected with his left wing thus
sending him into a spiral. Having awoken, his passengers all clung onto him for dear
life.
“What the Hell was that?” shrieked the Sorcerer.
“Something hit me through the bloody wing!” cried the Dragon as he finally
halted their descent by madly flapping his unblemished wing in the air.
“We hit something!” cheered the Troll triumphantly pointing across the sky.
“It looks like it was a Dragon! I bet it got the fright of its life!”
The Troll ordered the guards to load up the cannon and fire on any more Dragons approaching the fortress. He went down into the courtyard followed by Archie where the bricklayer was busy mending the wall.
“It’s time to celebrate!” the Troll patted Percy. “You’re a hero!”
“A hero?” cried an incredulous Archie. “This is witchcraft!”
“First drink is on me!” the Troll led Percy into the tavern for a pipe and a yard of ale.
The next morning a rather hung over Percy and a grumpy Archie left the fortress to continue their journey.
“Speed up you bloody thing!” Archie kicked at Percy as he swayed from side to side in a country lane. “How are we going to reach the castle with you poncing about like this? It’s imperative we beat that Sorcerer there so he can’t spread his slanderous lies.”
“Imperative?” Percy couldn’t stifle a hiccup. “That’s a big word for you Archie!”
“I’m not completely stupid you know!”
“No, I suppose you do remember to breathe in and out.”
Percy stopped and belched loudly.
“Oh you filthy beast!” Archie held his nose. “You’re still pissed!”
“No,” chuckled Percy before collapsing in a heap thus sending Archie to the floor as well.
Archie groaned, wrestled himself off the spreadeagled horse and marched into the under growth. A moment later he returned holding a tree branch. Raising it aloft, he thwacked Percy over the head with it so he was knocked clean out.
“At last…” Archie sighed and looked about the place to ensure they were alone. Satisfied they were, he pulled his sword from its sheath.
“There was a Prince who had a servant, Archie twas his name. So stupid did he act, people questioned if he possessed a brain…” a shrill singing came from the undergrowth accompanied by the twang of a lute.
Archie froze before glaring into the trees from which the Minstrel emerged with a little jig. He placed his sword back in the sheath.
“You!” Archie regarded him venomously.
“Oh!” the Minstrel’s face fell on seeing him.
“What were you singing?” Archie kept his hand close to his sword.
“I’m sorry!” the Minstrel blushed. “Force of habit! It’s one of my most requested songs. It’s a hit!”
“A hit?” Archie stood in front of him menacingly.
“Yes, people say they can empathize with my lyrics…”
“Empatha…what?” Archie was puzzled. “Anyway, what the Hell are you doing here?”
“Ah well,” the Minstrel bowed and sat down theatrically holding his lute
before singing. “There is a tale to tell, I the Minstrel will tell it well. The good steed of the Prince was taken in the night, so we employed a Dragon who took great flight. But, shock,
horror, as we flew, balls of fire on us blew…”
“Balls of fire?” Archie interrupted him.
“Yes, hundreds of them.”
“Hundreds?”
“Oh yes. The sky was overcast with them!”
“Right,” Archie rolled his eyes. “And where did these balls of fire come from?”
“I dunno,” the Minstrel shrugged and shot to his feet. “But, bugger me, we sank like a lead balloon and got separated in the forest.”
“So you don’t know where the others are then?” grinned Archie.
“They must be in disarray, that’s all I know,” the Minstrel regarded Percy curiously. “I thought you were dead?”
“Oh that’s charming!” Archie spat. “So you thought I was dead yet didn’t mind wandering about the place singing songs about how thick you think I am! Very respectful of the dead!”
“Keep the noise down!” Percy grumbled from the floor. “I’ve got a headache!”
“And with all that booze,” Archie looked smug. “I can bet you feel very hoarse!”
“What’s wrong with him?” the Minstrel asked.
“He got a bit pissed last night because he was celebrating and…” a thought occurred and a crafty glint came to his eye. “Would you like to know exactly where those balls of fire came from?”
“Yes!”
“And when you regale people, especially the Dragon and my master, with this tale, you will ensure it’s all faithfully repeated.”
“Yes!”
“To the letter?”
“Of course!”
“Hoarse?!” cried Archie. “Didn’t you get it?”
“I got it,” coughed Percy. “Bloody awful!”
“I got it!” declared the Minstrel.
“And?” Archie seemed to want a lot of credit for this pun.
“I thought it best not to dwell on it. Anyway, ahem! About these balls of fire?”
“Right then,” Archie pointed at Percy. “This cocky horse invented gun powder last night so that the fortress was able to fire on the Dragon! Thanks to Percy, the Prince was nearly killed!”
“Oh my word!” the Minstrel shook his head.
“It wasn’t what it sounds like,” Percy shot to his hooves.
“And then,” Archie smiled craftily. “After the Prince and his party were blown from the sky, Percy thought it fitting to go out and get slaughtered…did I say slaughtered? I meant drunk!”
“It was accidental!” cried Percy.
“Yes, I’m sure the Prince and the King will understand!”
“Wait til people here this!” the Minstrel was thinking up a rhyme.
“I didn’t mean for the Prince to be hurt!” a tear welled up in Percy’s eye.
“Let’s strike a deal,” Archie smiled. “I won’t tell anyone else if you get me to the King by nightfall. We must get there before the Prince and that meddling Sorcerer.”
“But he knows!” Percy indicated the Minstrel nervously.
“So what!” Archie laughed. “Does anybody believe a word he says?”
“I believed the stuff about your rash!” nodded Percy.
“Of course the Royal hounds could do with a decent meal…”
“I’ll do it!”
Despite his lingering hangover, Percy galloped South with Archie and the Minstrel on
his back. They raced through forests, up and down mountains and no obstacle was
too great for the horse as he even walked knee high in icy cold water across a river
rather than go a mile upstream for a bridge.
“Will you stop moaning about your bloody wing?” the Sorcerer shouted at
the Dragon as they trudged through the undergrowth of a forest.
“I have third degree burns!” the Dragon complained. “I thought you were meant to be a Sorcerer? Why can’t you heal it?”
“I haven’t learned how to do that yet,” he shook his head. “Admittedly that kind of thing is in the first chapter of the ‘Book of Sorcery’ but I skipped a few chapters to learn how to turn people into other things and put curses on them.”
“Can you do anything to get us to the Kingdom?” asked the Prince. “I must get there as soon as possible to confront my father. Once that’s over I can go back North and live my life. The Dragon can come with me.”
“Oh really?” the Dwarf asked with a disappointed air. “I’ve been enjoying myself. What can I do once this adventure is over?”
“I’ve been thinking about that,” the Sorcerer replied.
“Really?” the Dwarf’s eyes lit up. “You can turn me back? Or you could at least make me slightly less gross looking?”
“Oh no,” the Sorcerer shook his head.
“No?” the Dwarf’s face fell.
“No, I still haven’t learned how to reverse spells. But, I have turned a few people into beings just as hideous as you. One such victim is female. Although she is unforgivably vulgar, I would be more than happy to set you up with her.”
“You’re quite the Cupid,” sighed the Prince.
“Really?” the Dwarf was hopeful.
“Yes,” nodded the Sorcerer. “She’s completely disgusting but I think you’d make a charming couple.”
“What did this poor damsel do to upset you?” asked the Prince.
“All I did!” the Sorcerer began defensively. “Was grope her breast and she has a restraining order taken out against me! Bloody feminist! That’s what happens when women get a little power!”
“Power?” the Prince was unimpressed. “Who was she?”
“Princess Helena, the daughter of the King of the domain to the East of your Kingdom.”
“You did that to her?” Prince Charming was appalled. “My father used to say we’d
get married. I’m just relieved I’m gay if that was the alternative.”
“Princess Helena?” exclaimed the Dragon.
“Yes.”
“The bog monster?” asked the Dragon. “I thought she was a legend? A story to scare children?”
“No,” the Sorcerer shook his head. “She exists alright! I’m not proud of what
I did.”
“You made her look like that?” the Prince winced. “You’re a vindictive little sod, aren’t you?”
“Stop going on about it!” cried the Sorcerer, going red. “I said I wasn’t proud of myself for making such a hideous being. But anyway, there is someone out there for the Dwarf!”
“I don’t know,” the Prince regarded the Dwarf, his noble brow furrowed. “I
admit he’s fairly revolting but Princess Helena? Even the Dwarf is out of her league.”
“Oh thanks sire,” the Dwarf blushed.
“You’re welcome,” the Prince continued. “Imagine the ugliest leper who has
pulled the flesh from their face, mashed it in a food blender…”
“A what?” they all cried.
“One of those electrical appliances they use in kitchens..”
“Oh.”
“And after taking it out, it’s been plastered back onto her face. That’s Helena. That is what the Sorcerer did to her merely for objecting to his wandering hands.”
“Lovely,” remarked the Dwarf beginning to day dream.
“Plus she’s got a hunchback and she drools rather a lot.”
“Oh,” the Dwarf fired daggers at the Sorcerer. “That was a bit cruel wasn’t it? Making her drool.”
“She did that before the curse,” he shrugged.
“I’m knackered!” Percy staggered forwards with Archie and the Minstrel on his back. They were now only a few miles from the King’s castle.
“Not long now!” Archie dug his heel into Percy’s side. “We can talk about you being knackered once we get there.”
They eventually arrived at the castle gates where the guards immediately recognized Archie and let them in.
“Now we’ll be okay!” boasted Archie to the other two as they approached the Palace.
On reaching it, Archie requested an audience with the King.
“What the hell do you want?” he demanded of Archie, Percy and the Minstrel in his royal chamber.
“Aha sire,” Archie bowed. “Are we glad to have reached you in enough time…”
“And what the hell is that lying little bastard doing here?” the King pointed straight at the Minstrel.
“Please sire, let me speak!” Archie beseeched him. “I have raced against time to get here before one of your enemies and…”
“My messengers tell me of all kinds of witchcraft happens in the North!” the King arose from his throne and began circling his two cowering servants and Percy who was idly chewing on a carrot. “Of balls of fire winging dragons?”
“Eh well yes,” quivered Archie.
“Is this you lying again?” the King glared down at the Minstrel.
“No your Majesty, nothing to do with me!”
“Right well then! What has been going on?” the King asked Archie.
“A mighty Sorcerer has been telling lies about you Sire!” Archie blurted out.
“What?” snarled the King.
“He’s on his way here to further spread his spiteful untruths!”
“Is he?” the King’s lower lip trembled as he took a step back.
“Yes my liege!” nodded Archie. “And to stop such slander I thought I’d get here before him to let you know so you could have him slaughtered once he reached the castle gates!”
To their dismay, Archie, Percy and the Minstrel were frog marched down to the dungeons by the King’s guards. The King didn’t hesitate in doubling the guard on the gate and he dispatched three Knights to ride North to obtain the brand new weapon that released balls of fire.
“I don’t bloody believe it!” cried an exasperated Archie as the three of them stood in the damp, cold cell in the castle dungeons. “I try helping the King out and he locks me up? That’s gratitude for you!”
There was an almighty din as a Troll appeared outside their cell and began hitting the bars with his truncheon.
“What?” cried Archie.
“Don’t get moody with me!” frowned the Troll. “I’m just doing my job. Right, how would you like to die?”
“Eh?” the three of them replied.
“I am the King’s executioner,” the Troll beamed.
“I’d like to die outside,” Percy spoke up first.
“Are you the talking horse?” the Troll frowned.
“That’s me!”
“Oh right, well no need to worry as the King has asked for you to go back and help with the design of these balls of fire.”
“Oh,” Percy brightened up as the Troll produced a key to unlock the cell door so that he might trot out. “I’ll go and help the King.”
This left Archie and the Minstrel glaring at the Troll as he locked the cell door once again with a big smile.
“So then boys,” he sucked on his teeth. “Hanging?”
“Doesn’t that give you an erection?” replied the Minstrel.
“No it doesn’t, what sort of executioner do you think I am?”
“Not you, men being executed that way?”
“I don’t want to be hanged!” shouted Archie.
“I can chop your heads off?” the Troll kindly suggested.
Up in the courtyard Percy sketched out the formula for gunpowder in front of the King and his soldiers.
“So then?” the General pointed to the cannon. “You mean you are able to improve on this already pretty devastating weapon?”
“Eh yes,” nodded Percy as they displayed the cannon’s devastating capabilities by pointing it upwards, dropping a ball in and then tipping it over so that the ball was thrown three yards and cracked the cobbled floor before rolling away across the courtyard. “Follow this formula, along with the instructions I’ve included and this will be the best weapon known to man!”
“Better than it is now?” they gasped.
“Just follow the instructions,” Percy passed the parchment to the General.
Morale wasn’t exactly high down in the dungeon. In fact, blame culture had broken out between the captors.
“What do you mean it’s all my fault?” yelled Archie.
“I went with you!” protested the Minstrel. “Despite all the rumours…”
“All the rumours you’ve made up!”
“Are you or are you not a little bit thick?”
They both stopped as they heard footsteps. The kindly executioner appeared
outside the cell with a charming smile.
“Right then lads,” he smirked. “Your request for a fry up as your last meal has been turned down.”
“Bollocks,” they replied.
“But the kitchen can do you a nice bowl of Muesli…”
“Oh come on!” they whined.
“Or ‘Pop Tarts’?”
After a brief whispered discussion, they turned to him.
“We have decided to forego the final meal.”
At that moment the Troll was dealt an almighty blow around the head. As he
collapsed on the stony floor, Percy stood over him with a swish of the tail.
“Percy?” cried Archie. “What are you doing?”
“Slip of the hoof,” he shrugged. “Now let’s get out of here!”
The three of them hurriedly departed the dungeon.
Prince Charming and his merry band stood on a hill to see the castle ahead of them on the horizon.
“He won’t welcome the news,” the Prince remarked to the Sorcerer.
“I know,” the Sorcerer agreed with a slight smirk playing about his face.
“Don’t be cocky though,” the Prince added. “Just tell it like it is.”
“I’m not looking forward to any of this!” cried the Dragon. “The King hates dragons.”
“I wonder why?” exclaimed the Prince. “After all the times Dragons raided this Kingdom and set fire to large parts of it!”
“I didn’t do anything like that!” protested the Dragon. “But he’s prejudiced! The moment he sees me, I will be attacked!”
“You’ll be fine,” smiled the Prince.
“Really?” said the Sorcerer. “Then why are the King’s soldiers gathering just outside the castle?”
“What?” the Prince stared ahead with a frown.
“And what’s that thing they’re pulling out with them?”
“What thing?” asked the Dragon.
“Long metal device on wheels…”
“Oh hang on,” the Prince said. “They’ve stopped.”
“Is that a torch I can see?” asked the Sorcerer.
“Yes,” replied the Prince. “They’re using it to light the back of whatever that
thing is.”
“I wonder what it does?” the Dragon wondered.
There was an almighty boom which made them all jump back in surprise.
“Oh right,” the Prince rolled his eyes as a cloud of smoke rose up above the castle. “It makes a loud noise.”
“Maybe they’re trying to scare birds,” shrugged the Sorcerer.
“Well the boom would work,” said the Prince. “But I’m not sure about that high pitched whistling noise.”
“What high pitched whistling noise?” asked the Sorcerer.
They cocked their heads to one side to listen out for it. The noise gradually became louder.
“Oh yes,” nodded the Sorcerer. “That won’t frighten birds. It might get the hounds barking though….”
There was a big crashing sound just next to them which splattered them all with soil. A large cloud of smoke billowed up as they all dived to the floor.
“What the hell is that?” the Prince leapt up to point at the crater in the ground where a large metal ball sat.
“See!” shrieked the Dragon. “Another assassination attempt! They’re trying to kill me!”
“It would appear so,” nodded the Sorcerer.
“They can’t kill me! I shared top billing with the Prince don’t you know?”
“Eh?” everyone ehhed.
“Two short stories back!”
“Oh the difficult third one,” sighed the Prince. “I wouldn’t brag about that if I were you.”
“What?” the Dragon cried.
“It didn’t do very well on the downloading front,” the Prince shook his head sadly and the Sorcerer and the Dwarf both nodded in agreement. “And the critics really tore into it. Personally I preferred the one before…”
“But you were barely in that!” the Dragon cried.
“Exactly! I was the star of the massively successful original, got to briefly cameo in the second before returning for the third which was a flop!”
“As fascinating as all this existential nonsense is,” spoke up the Sorcerer pointing to the castle. “They are preparing to fire on us again.”
“Run!” the Prince hollered so that they hared towards the castle gates in hope of sanctuary.
Percy led the Minstrel and Archie up from the dungeon. After hurrying through the kitchens, they found a long hall which they scampered down before eventually finding the main court. It was empty but for the King, sitting on his throne and reading.
The guards at the castle gates let Prince Charming and his party by so that theyraced up to the castle, dodging the cannon balls that were being fired towards them every few minutes.
To be continued in ‘Prince Charming & The Wedding’.
Athon 