The flesh eating Zombies were drawing closer and closer as the Prince removed his sword from the sheath and kicked at Percy.
“I’m not going near them!” Percy complained.
“It’s not like you to be scared of humans?”
“It’s what they turn into that scares me,” he replied.
“But Percy!” the Prince cried. “We must attack and kill them immediately!”
“One bite and we’re in big trouble!” Percy remained rooted to the spot.
“Just kick out at one of them and they’ll be a pulpy mess!”
“Sire I think you are overrating my hooves. I’m not a shire horse you know!”
“It’s the same!”
“I like to think that I am quite an elegant horse and that I keep myself trim. One day I hoped to go into dressage.”
“Percy,” he sighed. “We’ve discussed this! You are too big and heavy to be one of those ballerina horse dressage things!”
“I’m not going anywhere!”
“I am your master, you will follow my orders.”
Percy began to canter away from the Zombies and towards the riverbank, followed by the others.
“Percy! You’re going in the opposite direction!” protested the Prince.
All the time the Zombies seemed to be growing in number having been joined by more of the walking dead from nearby villages.
“What are we going to do?” cried Hilary as they had their backs to the riverbank with the Zombies only about twenty yards away.
“I can’t fly us out of this!” whinged the Dragon. “My wing is bad enough as it is!”
“Breathe fire on them!” the Prince ordered him.
The Dragon headed forward a few steps before taking a deep breath and
spitting out a balloon of flames which set alight half the walking dead so that they folded backwards.
“Let’s get out of here!” bellowed the Prince.
They all darted across the field and away from the Zombies who were in
momentary disarray.
Vasterbalk limped gingerly into the court as the Prince Regent sat on the
throne picking his nose.
“You’ve taken your time!” he removed his index finger from his left nostril to point it at Vasterbalk. “Where the hell have you been?”
“I was interrogating the prisoners,” Vasterbalk winced as he held his groin with his hand.
“Stop touching yourself!” Archie was appalled.
“I can’t help it sire,” whined Vasterbalk. “I’ve been injured!”
“How?”
“It happened in battle.”
“I see! Anyway, I heard you captured a member of the Prince’s inner
circle?”
“Yes,” winced Vasterbalk.
“And? What information have you got from them?”
“They escaped sire.”
“Escaped?”
“Yes, he launched a cunning and audacious escape bid. He dug a tunnel
underground from the dungeon to beyond the moat and got out that way.”
“In only one night?” Archie cried.
“It’s amazing what you can achieve with a tea spoon.”
“Keep moving!” cried the Prince to the others in his wake as Percy galloped up the river bank with him in the saddle.
“That’s alright for you to say!” moaned the Dragon as he struggled to keep up with the others.
Looking over his shoulder, the Dragon saw that the band of Zombies were quite a distance away so he slowed down. They had decided to head upstream to find a bridge over which they might cross the river.
After ten minutes, Percy finally came to a halt by the six foot wide wooden bridge over the river. The Prince waited impatiently for the others to catch up, which they finally did.
“I reckon we’ve got about a good half mile on them!” gasped the Dwarf as he mopped his sweaty brow.
“Good!” the Prince rode Percy across the bridge. “We will wait for the
Zombies to get to the bridge and then lead them all across. Before they get to the other side, we will destroy the bridge and they’ll be drowned.”
“Excellent idea your Majesty!” grinned Hilary.
They all waited in anticipation for the undead to catch up.
“These Zombies turning up hasn’t half confused matters,” remarked the
Captain. “I was all ready to fight with you against the Prince Regent.”
“I know,” agreed the Prince gloomily. “This often happens. We have a
straightforward set of targets to achieve and then all Hell breaks loose and we have to go off on a tangent.”
“Is that why the studios turned down the movie rights?”
“Yes, it was really disappointing. I wanted to go and live in Hollywood!”
“Same here,” nodded Percy wishfully. “I dreamt of getting a trough shaped like a hoof in my back yard.”
“Time for action!” Hilary pointed down the river bank where the skulking
figures of the undead were emerging.
“Prepare your axe,” the Prince told the Dwarf.
They stood in the middle of the bridge as the Zombies approached, all
moaning and groaning to themselves as the air filled with their rotten stench oncemore. The Dwarf held his nose with one hand and held the axe with the other.
The Zombies at the front of the group stepped onto the bridge, heading directly for them.
“Start retreating!” the Prince commanded.
He need not have bothered as he turned around to notice that virtually
everyone was nearly off the other side of the bridge. Percy trotted from the bridge and they all waited with baited breath. Gradually the bridge filled up so that the vast majority of the creatures were on it.
The Dwarf went to the edge of the bridge and raised his axe in the air.
Bringing it down against the planks, it smashed through them so that splinters flew everywhere. A few more hacks and the bridge was hanging off so that the Zombies were tilted to one side. The Prince and the others all backed far away while the Dwarf continued to break up the planks. There was a creaking sound as part of the bridge began falling away into the river.
The Dwarf, sure that the Zombies were blocked off, arose to wipe his sweaty brow once again.
“That should just about do it,” he turned around to address the others.
Standing directly behind him on the grassy bank was one of the Zombies.
Reaching to seize his throat, he instantly brought the axe around its neck so that the head was sliced clean off. As the head bounced off into the river, the Dwarf’s face was splashed with crimson red blood. Wiping it out of his eyes, he suddenly noticed that there were more of the undead, all circling him. Some of them had stumbled over to the riverbank just before the bridge was destroyed.
“No!” he howled.
The Zombies overcame the Dwarf and he found himself dragged to the floor.
The closest one stood over him, eying him hungrily before frowning a little.
“Ugh?” the creature was puzzled and even seemed a little disturbed by what it saw.
Instead of moving in for the kill, the Zombies all retreated back prior to
turning round and heading for the others. The Dwarf lay on the ground in a state of shock and relief.
“Run for it!” screeched the Dragon.
The Prince, Percy, Hilary, the Dragon, the Babes and the Captain all
dropped back from the oncoming Zombies into a nearby wood. The baffled Dwarf joined them as they hurtled through the undergrowth.
“What the heck is that?” the Prince stopped as they heard a mysterious
sound in the local vicinity.
It was an ominous sound, almost a combination of flat chords being played on an organ and a snare drum being beaten.
“Hello! Is anybody there?” cried the Dwarf. “Hello?”
The sound got louder as the Minstrel suddenly appeared from behind a tree.
“Oh hello!” he smiled at them chirpily.
“What’s that?” the Prince indicated the big black box shaped object with
black and white keys on the top that the Minstrel was holding beneath his arm.
“It’s a synthesizer,” the Minstrel enthused as he tinkered with some of the keys on the instrument so that a deep foreboding note was produced. “It’s a state of the art musical instrument.”
“What are you doing here?” asked the Prince.
“I got fed up with the Prince Regent,” the Minstrel explained on his way to
sitting down cross legged and playing some more notes on the synthesizer. “He was never happy with any of the songs I wrote for him!”
“Are you telling lies again Minstrel?” the Dwarf eyed him suspiciously.
“No!” the Minstrel seemed genuinely offended. “But the Regent just doesn’t appreciate my music. I’m an artist! A groundbreaking musician!”
“Really?” the Prince rolled his eyes.
“Yeah! Always he wants the lute. He is so basic and backward with his musical tastes. I crack out the old synthesizer or a sitar or a theremin, a mellotron and he wants a soothing lute!”
“I don’t recognise those things,” said the Prince. “Are you sure you’re not lying again?”
“No!”
“No you’re not lying or no, you’re not sure?” remarked the Dwarf.
“By the way,” the Minstrel gulped. “You’ve got a son now!”
“Oh well done Dwarf!” the Prince slapped him on the back of his hump.
“Is he….”
The Dwarf went red.
“Yes, he’s absolutely hideous!” said the Minstrel cheerfully.
“You’ll have to go back,” the Prince told the Dwarf with a wag of the finger.
“You can’t leave your wife and newborn baby.”
“Must I?” the Dwarf went a pale milky colour.
“I thought you were a dead man there Dwarf!” remarked Hilary. “How did you escape the clutches of those things? They outnumbered you eight to one.”
“I can look after myself you know.”
“Yet I didn’t see you overpower any of them?” Hilary raised an eyebrow.
“I have mental powers.”
Suddenly they all froze as they heard the moaning of the Zombies as they began swarming the wood. The Minstrel flicked a switch on his synthesizer before arising as the foreboding note continued sounding from the instrument. Putting the device under his arm he backed against the tree in terror.
The Dwarf charged at the nearest Zombie and, with one swipe, cut its head straight off. The head bounced across the leafy floor as blood spurted everywhere.
“Duck sire!” Hilary aimed his crossbow at the Prince who did what he was told.
Behind the Prince loomed a Zombie who was shot straight through the head with an arrow from the crossbow. The head exploded so that more blood splattered against the trees and leaves. Kevin produced a catapult to fire a rock at another oncoming Zombie. The beast’s arm was lopped right off.
Despite it being a blood bath as the evil dead were falling all around them,
more were appearing in the undergrowth.
“Who are they?” shrieked the Minstrel as the synthesizer continued
pounding away.
“They’re the walking dead bodies of villagers by the looks of them,” the
Prince sliced one of their heads off. “We’ll have to kill every last one!”
“Good!” Hilary fired a second arrow across the wood so that another head exploded. “I like keeping my eye in!”
“We need you keep your eyes!” cried the Prince as he wrestled with a Zombie that was trying to scratch out his eyeballs.
An opening appeared in the forest for them to race into and resist the dozen or so Zombies. Eventually they reached the perimeter of the wood.
“Stop!” the Prince breathlessly told them. “We’ll wait for them to come out and hack them down one by one!”
They all prepared their weapons apart from Percy who seemed rather casual about the whole affair.
“Why are you so calm?” the Dwarf asked Percy.
“Well, I’m safe aren’t I sire?” Percy remarked. “They’re after human
blood!”
“Good point!” nodded the Dragon cheerfully.
“Yes!” Percy swished his tail. “So let’s go back in and attack them. They
can’t hurt us!”
“Right!” the Dragon marched imperiously back into the forest.
Breathing a large ball of fire over a group of the undead, they were reduced
to cinders as Percy went into the wood to begin kicking them with his hooves.
“Just you see how it should be done!” beamed the Dragon after turning
around to wink at the others.
At that moment a stray Zombie seized the Dragon’s left leg and sank his
teeth into it. The Dragon howled as the Zombie, apparently not keen on the taste of Dragon flesh, took a back step and went for Percy instead.
“Aargh!” the Dragon wept before limping back out of the forest.
Percy dispatched more Zombies using his hind legs prior to cantering out of the wood.
“Look on the bright side Dragon,” began the Dwarf. “They didn’t like the
taste of you so you won’t be torn apart.”
“Oh great!” the Dragon cried. “But, yet again, it’s poor old me that gets
attacked!”
“There is another problem,” began Percy.
“What’s that?” asked the Dwarf.
“The Dragon is now infected. In a couple of days he’ll be just like them. With his jaws and claws, that would be fatal for the rest of us.”
“You’re kidding me?” the Dragon was aghast.
“Eh yes…” Percy told him before, as the Dragon turned away with a sigh of relief, shaking his head sadly at the others.
As more Zombies began appearing amongst the trees of the forest, they
hurried away across some grassy meadows before reaching a deserted cottage.
“Let’s stay in here for the night!” suggested the Prince.
They all went into the cottage but the Dragon was left outside as he was too big to fit through the door.
“What about me?” he cried.
“Fly away!” the Prince told him.
“I can’t, my wings are useless!”
“Breathe fire on them!”
A loud slam echoed about the landscape as the wooden door of the cottage was shut and inside they pushed an upturned kitchen table up against it.
Several hours passed as they remained in the cottage drinking the Dwarf’s special brew from his hip flask.
“Bloody hell Dwarf!” the Prince’s eyes watered after swallowing the green liquid. “Do you normally drink this?”
“Only since my wedding night.”
“This could floor a horse!”
Percy was on his back with his hooves pointed high in the air.
“Where have these Zombies come from?” wondered the Minstrel.
“Will you turn that bloody instrument off!” the Prince shouted.
The Minstrel flicked a switch on the synthesizer so that the ominous beat stopped.
“They’re the undead,” began the Dwarf. “When there’s no room left in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.”
“It’s the Prince Regent’s fault!” began Hilary. “He’s had so many people
killed in the last few years!”
“No, it’s my fault!” the Prince sighed before taking another sip of the brew.
“You sire?” asked Percy who was coming round from his drunken stupor.
“I never should have left and made Archie Prince Regent.”
“You thought you were doing the best thing,” reasoned the Dwarf.
“But I knew he was an idiot,” the Prince shook his head. “Now look at the Kingdom! War, high taxation, division, poverty and even Zombies!”
The Dwarf stoked the dying embers in the fireplace prior to going to the
window and peering outside.
“It seems all quiet out there now,” he remarked.
“Perhaps the Dragon did fight them all off,” commented the Prince.
The Dwarf strode to the front door to pull back the table and open the door.
Peeking outside, he jumped back in horror.
“Sire,” he murmured not taking his eyes off the sight outside.
“Yes?” the Prince drank more of the brew.
“Could you come here for a moment?”
The Prince arose to join the Dwarf at the half open door. Looking outside, he was amazed to see the skeleton of what had once been a huge beast lying on the meadow nearby.
“Turns out they did like the taste of Dragon flesh,” whispered the Dwarf.
“Close the door!” hissed the Prince.
The door was shut, bolted and the table pushed up against it once again.
“Team!” the Prince clapped his hands together so that everyone looked up at him. “We appear to have encountered a slight problem.”
“Whatever is the matter?” enquired Hilary.
“Well…” the Prince was distracted by Kevin. “Stop picking your spots!
There’s puss all over your shield.”
“Sorry sire,” the youth prodded the large spot on his left cheek so that Hilary was splattered in the eye.
“Anyway,” continued the Prince. “I think it’s safe to say that we won’t be
travelling about the realm by ‘Dragon Air’ anymore.”
“What? Have his wings finally given up the ghost?” Percy asked.
“Yes,” nodded the Prince. “And the rest of him.”
“What do you mean?” Kevin squeaked.
“The Zombies have had him!” the Dwarf hoarsely cried. “We’ve got to get out of here!”
“Sounds good to me!” Hilary arose and held up his crossbow. “I’m a one
man….I’m a one pre-op trans sexual killing machine.”
“What’s a trans sexual?” asked Kevin with a scratch of his head.
“I was born a man but I realised I wanted to be a woman.”
“Oh really? When did that happen then?”
“Around when I was going through puberty.”
“Oh,” Kevin’s voice went up and down a few octaves. “What’s puberty
then?”
“I think this is a discussion for another time,” the Prince hurriedly
intervened. “Let’s get out of here!”
Our intrepid heroes departed the cottage. ‘The Big Fist’ or, if you’ve been paying attention, Hilary went up front with his crossbow, carefully surveying the horizon as they went into an empty field. The Dwarf followed wielding his axe, then Petula and Kevin with their catapults. Behind them was the Prince on Percy and the Captain who was struggling to keep up with his wooden leg. Bringing up the rear was the Minstrel who had switched on his synthesizer so that infernal sound was emanating about the place.
Suddenly they spotted a stationary figure in the centre of the field.
“Stop!” hissed Hilary taking aim with his crossbow.
“It’s probably just a scarecrow,” whispered the Dwarf. “Look at it’s raised arms.”
“You’d better be right!” Hilary began approaching the figure.
“Trust me! I know all about things with their heads stuffed full of straw! I
worked for Archie for long enough!”
Turning to the Babes expecting a laugh, they just looked down at him with blank expressions on their faces.
Hilary was right behind the figure which he couldn’t be sure of in the fading light of dusk. Tightening his grip on the crossbow, he took a deep breath.
The figure swung round and lurched towards him. Hilary realised it was a
Zombie. It’s skin green, with sunken eyes, it stretched out it’s claw like fingers to grab him.
Hilary pressed the end of his crossbow into the forehead of the beast but it was too late. It had managed to take a bite from his left arm. He pulled the trigger of his weapon so that the head exploded with the body falling to the ground.
Staggering forwards, he felt a sharp pain throbbing through his arm as his garments were soaked in blood. The creature had taken a bite sized chunk of him.
“Hilary, are you okay?” the Prince rode up behind him.
“Yes sire,” Hilary did his best to hide the wound from the Prince and
overcome the pain as he marched on. “Come on, we must get wood for torches for the night. It’ll be the most dangerous at night!”
“Of course Hilary,” the Prince agreed and they all followed towards a nearby village.
“I’m sorry I got it wrong,” the Dwarf apologised to Hilary as they reached
the outskirts of the village.
“That’s fine Dwarf!” Hilary said through gritted teeth. “No harm done.”
“I’ll bet you are relieved when all of this is over eh Hilary?” began the
Prince. “When you can finally have your operation!”
“Yes, your Majesty,” nodded Hilary. “Although I can feel myself changing as we speak.”
“That’ll be all the hormone treatment you’ve had,” remarked the Prince.
“What are hormones?” asked Kevin.
“Once we’ve killed all the Zombies, taken back the Kingdom and deposed Archie, we’ll sit down and have a little chat.”
“Me too?” asked Petula.
“Don’t worry Petula,” began the Dwarf. “I’ll lie you down and go through
the ways of the world with you!”
Having reached the edge of the village, all was quiet inside. There were a few shops with lights on but most of it seemed deserted.
“Let’s go!” Hilary ran ahead. “And Minstrel? Turn that bloody thing off!”
“It’s experimental,” the Minstrel sighed as he switched off the synthesizer once again.
Archie sat on his throne as the Sorcerer finished relaying his latest update from the field. Vasterbalk was in the corner of the room, applying ointment to his groin.
“So let me get this straight?” Archie rolled his eyes. “There has been an
outbreak of Zombies and they are attacking everyone in the countryside?”
“Yes sire,” nodded the Sorcerer.
“Is this problem likely to be resolved?”
“Probably in the next ten pages or so.”
“Good, then we can get back to everything revolving around me! So,
although I presume the Prince and his merry band are going to save the day, have provisions been made?”
“Yes sire. One of your battalions was sent to kill them!”
“Excellent!”
“But things didn’t quite go according to plan.”
“You do surprise me.”
“They found themselves ambushed so that all fifty of them were bitten and are now Zombies. As a result, the number of Zombies wandering around the realm has doubled.”
Archie groaned.
The shops and stores in the village were all deserted so that the group began looting them, so hungry were they. They broke into the butcher’s and removed hams and poultry which they cooked over the stove in the ironmonger’s where Percy got himself a new set of shoes.
“Don’t you feel bad about stealing all this stuff?” asked Kevin.
“Hark at him!” Hilary remained in the shadows of the ironmongery so the others wouldn’t notice his wound or excessive bleeding.
“I got you all a few presents!” the Dwarf suddenly burst into the room
holding a satchel. “For you sire, I found a lovely new outfit from the boutique.”
He pulled out a red and white jumpsuit and a blue cape to hand to the
Prince.
“Thanks,” the Prince waved away the gesture. “But I am wearing black
because I’m still in mourning.”
“Alright then,” the Dwarf shrugged. “Didn’t cost me anything! And for you Hilary!”
The Dwarf shoved his hand into the satchel and produced a bridal gown
which he proudly held aloft.
“I thought you could wear it when you finally get your operation!”
Hilary remained in the shadows.
“That’s very kind of you,” he coughed meekly.
“Aren’t you going to try it on?”
“I’ll try it later.”
“Okay,” the Dwarf chucked a carrot in Percy’s direction before rooting
through the contraband in his stolen satchel. “And for you Minstrel!”
The Dwarf shook a set of headphones at the Minstrel. “For your synthesizer!”
“Where on Earth did you acquire those?” asked Percy munching on his
carrot.
“The electrical appliances shop on the High Street! I had to smash the front window in but it was worth it!”
“You’re taking advantage of the situation!” the Prince remarked
disapprovingly. “Exploiting all this disorder and looting!”
“It was okay,” the Dwarf shrugged. “I had to stab to death the girl at the
counter but otherwise it was fairly simple.”
“You did what? She was a Zombie right?”
“She might have been a Zombie, it was very dark.”
“Was she breathing deeply, foaming at the mouth and did she have horrible deathly skin?”
“Like your wife,” added the Minstrel.
“It was dark!” the Dwarf shook his head. “I didn’t have time to check!”
“Lovely!” the Prince groaned.
“And for you Captain!” the Dwarf produced a pornographic magazine
which he pointed at the Pirate. “I know you old sea dogs get lonely sometimes!”
“That’s no use,” the Captain chucked the magazine on the fire. “I have
nothing with which to relieve the loneliness.”
“Oh right,” the Dwarf turned to the Babes. “I also found a chemist! I got you these!”
He handed them each a little box.
“What’s this?” asked Kevin as he tried and failed to read the back of the
box.
“Spot cream!”
“What are these?” Petula had opened her box and pulled out a long chain of little circular objects in foil wrapping.
“I will show you how to use those,” beamed the Dwarf.
Hilary began shivering in the corner of the ironmongery.
“It’s damn cold in here,” he said as his teeth chattered.
“Hilary! I’m sweating!” the Prince wiped his brow. “Move closer to the fire.”
“I’m fine sire,” Hilary shook his head.
“We need to discuss what to do if any of us are bitten,” said the Dwarf
thoughtfully.
“One of us already has been bitten!” cried the Prince.
Hilary froze.
“We made a right mess of helping the poor old Dragon!”
Hilary breathed a sigh of relief.
“But that was different!” the Dwarf insisted. “We need to think about what to do if one of us humans are bitten!”
“Oh pull the ladder up Jack,” remarked Percy.
“And since when were you human?” the Minstrel mocked the Dwarf. “With those features, you definitely don’t qualify!”
“Squabbling will get us nowhere!” the Prince shouted. “If one of us were to be bitten, what would we do?”
“Well sire,” the Dwarf began. “If the victim was bitten on a limb, we could hack the affected limb off to save them.”
“Really?” Hilary sat up, his face hopeful.
“Yes! The infection takes a while to spread.”
“Good! How long, out of interest, would it take to spread if you were bitten on your wrist?”
“Well, let me think…” the Dwarf looked up thoughtfully as he did his sums.
“Any time today Dwarf…”
“I would say about an hour.”
“But you’ve got short arms!”
“I was calculating by the average arm length of a human.”
“So, just to clarify, even if you chopped their arm off three hours later it
would be too late?”
“Oh definitely,” he cheerfully replied. “Lucky you vanquished that Zombie I mistakenly thought was a scarecrow eh? That could have been very embarrassing!”
“Yes it could,” snarled Hilary.
“I can hear footsteps!” Percy stamped his feet on the stone floor. “Slow,
staggering ones!”
“So be it!” Hilary arose and lifted his crossbow in the air. “Time to sort these freaks out!”
Hilary solemnly marched out of the ironmongery whilst the others peered from the doorway.
“He’s doing quite well,” remarked Percy. “That Zombie’s head exploded
everywhere.”
“Quite,” agreed the Prince, wiping the blood from his coat of arms.
“Nice back slash!” said the Dwarf admiringly.
“There are loads of them!” cried the Prince. “And a lot of them are wearing military uniforms!”
Suddenly the synthesizer began pounding out once again. The Dwarf quickly turned to the Minstrel and plugged in the headphones, placing them over his ears so that it went quiet. Apart from the deathly moans from the Zombies and the sound of Hilary slicing his sword through their necks.
Unfortunately, one of the Zombies ended up with his sword embedded in the chest and Hilary couldn’t pull it back out. Out of arrows, he reached down to the dagger he kept in his boot. Gripping the handle, he shoved the blade into the eye of another monster but they were starting to overwhelm him.
“Let’s help him!” the Prince rode forwards on Percy, swinging his sword
around through the air so that he hacked off the limbs of all the undead nearby.
They began collapsing like dominoes.
Kevin strode towards them with his catapult at the ready, targeting their
heads. The Dwarf went about with his axe so that soon they were all destroyed.
Hilary lay on the floor, his eyes closed.
“That was close!” the Prince on Percy stood over him. “Hilary?”
‘The Big Fist’ had gone a funny green colour, his skin was lined and his eyes were sunken.
“Hilary?”
Hilary’s eyes shot open wide and his arms were outstretched as he reached for Percy.
“Oh no!” the Prince cried.
Being a sentimental soul, Percy used his forelegs to kick Hilary straight
through the air so that he landed in a heap of manure near the stable.
“He’s gone native!” the Dwarf brandished his axe.
“No Dwarf!” the Prince held up a hand. “You can’t! He’s one of us!”
The ugly one didn’t have time to argue as about a dozen Zombies made their presence known. The Prince, Percy, Kevin and the Dwarf hastily retreated back into the ironmongery.
“There’s so many of them!” the Prince bemoaned. “They’re all in military
Uniform and partially armed! They were soldiers! Which makes them bigger and stronger! Who sent the army out here?”
“I would imagine,” suggested the Dwarf. “That the Prince Regent probably had some soldiers sent out here to wipe out the Zombies. Not very good soldiers.”
“They’ve picked up a few tricks,” Percy nodded outside where one of the
Zombies was lighting a cannon pointed straight at them.
“Get out of here!” screamed the Prince.
They all raced out of the building to sprint across the village as the
ironmongery burst into flames.
“It’s nearly dawn!” the Captain pointed to the sky which was getting lighter.
They ran from the village as the Zombies began following, led by Hilary.
They reached a grassy knoll where a solitary Zombie turned to point at them.
Licking its lips, it began edging in their direction.
“Let me deal with this your Majesty!” the Dwarf marched towards the
creature swinging his axe.
“No!” the Prince went to pull him back as a sad expression appeared on his face. “Don’t!”
“Your Majesty?”
“This one is mine,” the Prince pushed him back before taking his sword from its sheath and stepping nervously towards the monster.
With the Zombie only yards away, the Prince closed his eyes for a second. A tear welled from one of them, rolling down his left cheek.
“What are you waiting for?” cried the Minstrel.
The Prince opened his eyes as the Zombie was about to go for him. One
sharp slash of his sword and the beast had been beheaded. As the head tumbled away and its body lay in the grass, the Prince’s shoulders slumped.
“Why did you wait?” the Dwarf asked.
The Prince turned to the pair of them.
“The reason I wear black,” he wiped his eyes. “That was the Woodcutter I married. I left his body in the roadside up in the land of the Elves. He must have been infected afterwards and risen from the dead.”
“I’m sorry sire,” the Dwarf cleared his throat.
“That’s okay,” the Prince tried his best to smile. “He wasn’t the man I loved anymore. He was just a walking, rotting corpse.”
“I wonder if I could use the same logic with my wife.”
“Sire!” the Sorcerer panted after sprinting into the court. “They’re
surrounding the Palace. They’ve grown in number!”
“How?” Archie groaned.
“Your guards!”
“Oh for crying out loud! Tell them they’ll be executed for this.”
“I think you might have to do that anyway!”
“Right fine! If you want something doing properly, do it yourself!”
“Shall I fetch your Royal rifle sire?”
“I was referring to you! Go out there and kill them all!”
“But I’m not a killer!” the Sorcerer protested.
“I see,” Archie arose from his throne and turned to the Mermaid in the huge glass bowl of water. “Goodbye dear, I may be some time.”
The Mermaid duly ignored him.
Archie marched out of the court towards his artillery room.
“There are too many!” shrieked the Minstrel as they retreated towards a
forest while the Sun appeared on the horizon.
His despair wasn’t unfounded. About fifty Zombies were in hot pursuit. With no crossbow anymore, the Babes were busy firing their catapults at the creatures but the others were reluctant to use their weapons as it meant getting in close to them.
Petula hit three of them in a row so that they were sidelined as Kevin climbed into the branches of a tree to take aim from there.
“I make that about forty left sire,” Percy watched as the Babes floored a few more of their assailants.
“We’re out of ammunition!” Petula yelled.
The Babes both departed the trees to join up with the others. In the distance they could make out the sound of cannon fire.
“At last!” the Prince punched the air. “We might have help!”
“That sounds like it’s from the Palace,” the Dwarf pointed to the smoke
rising in the sky. “I bet Archie is killing them all.”
“We’ll lead them all there!” suggested Petula. “Kevin and I! We can lead
them back towards the Palace where they’ll be wiped out!”
“Just be careful!” the Prince told them as the two Babes approached the
Zombies.
They quickly trotted in a circle away from the pack so that the Zombies
shifted in their direction thus leaving the Prince and his remaining cohorts to head to safety in the forest.
“Hopefully we’ll be safe in here and the Zombies can be wiped from the face of the Kingdom!” the Prince told them as he rode Percy through the undergrowth.
The grounds of the Palace were strewn with dead bodies as cannon smoke poured from the castle walls where Archie was standing with his Generals. The Sorcerer was nearby, his arms folded as he surveyed all the bodies.
“Well that was fun,” Archie turned to him.
“We should have sent you out to the countryside in the first place,” remarked the Sorcerer. “You’re a dab hand at creating a bloodbath!”
“It’s all part of the job,” Archie winked at him. “Although I must say I was
quite proud of a few of those shots. I got one straight through the chest! Did you see his guts spilling out? Brilliant!”
“Well done sire? It’s a shame there aren’t any more fish left in the barrel for you to shoot.”
“That’s where you’re wrong!” Archie pointed out across the Palace grounds excitedly. The Babes were running for dear life, followed by about a hundred Zombies.
They were all heading towards the Palace.
“Pull up the drawbridge!” Archie barked at his men on the ground near the moat.
“They’ve been bitten sire,” the Sorcerer told him.
“Oh,” Archie picked up a rifle and fired it at his guards who all tumbled into the moat.
One of Archie’s Generals ran down to pull in the drawbridge whilst Archie aimed the cannons at the crowd of Zombies. Smoke billowed across the sky as the ground shook whilst dozens of the monsters were smashed to pieces. The Babes reached the edge of the moat.
“Help us!” screamed Kevin. “Help us!”
“Aha!” cried Archie pointing down at the pair of them. “That one can
speak!”
“Actually I don’t think those two are infected sire,” pointed out the Sorcerer.
“Come on! Haven’t you heard the young man? His voice is all over the place!”
“Help us!” shouted Petula as the Zombies got nearer.
“She seems absolutely fine sire,” remarked the Sorcerer so that Archie gave the order for the drawbridge to be momentarily lowered for the pair to gain access to the castle.
“Fire!” bellowed Archie at his Generals so that a hailstorm of cannon balls whizzed across the ground thus decapitating the approaching undead. “Fire!”
Petula and Kevin joined Archie up at the top of the castle walls to explain
what had been occurring.
“…and then Hilary was bitten!” Petula told Archie and the Sorcerer.
“And?” Archie grinned smugly.
“He’s down there now probably!”
“Is he indeed?” Archie grabbed for a pair of binoculars and put them to his eyes to look out across the Palace grounds. “Oh yes. There he is. He always wanted to change didn’t he?”
The Prince Regent strode towards the back of a nearby cannon and struck a match. Holding the flame to the wick at the back of the cannon, he cackled.
“I’ll show ‘The Big Fist’ to betray me!”
As the cannon was about to fire, the Sorcerer nudged it so that the cannon ball overshot Hilary and instead tore apart another Zombie in a ballerina outfit.
“Why did you do that?” shouted a red-faced Archie.
“I’m sorry sire, I must have slipped.”
“That’s fine!” he yelled, lighting the wick at the back of another cannon.
“I’ve got the balls!”
The blast took out another crowd of Zombies so that blood, limbs and guts littered the grounds of the Palace. Amazingly Hilary was still going, limping towards the edge of the moat.
Archie took aim with his rifle and shot down another half dozen of the
undead before proudly turning to the Sorcerer and the Babes.
“I’m a crack shot!” he beamed. “I tell you what, this is really very enjoyable. It’s a shame we’re probably going to run out soon.”
“We’ve got thousands of bullets!” said the Sorcerer.
“I meant my subjects!” he frowned. “I just wish a few hundred more of my useless subjects had been bitten. I could do this all day!”
“Tax payers sire, tax payers,” the Sorcerer reminded him.
“Oh yes, good point,” Archie ignited another cannon.
The Prince and his band wandered through yet another woodland area. The sound of cannon fire had died down and they hadn’t seen any Zombies for about an hour so hopes were high.
“It looks like we are safe here,” smiled the Prince as he patted Percy.
“At bleeding last,” sighed the Captain. “So shall we stay here for a few days until we’re certain they’ve all been killed before attacking the Palace?”
“Yes,” nodded the Prince. “Archie has lost an awful lot of his troops so his defences won’t be nearly as strong.”
“Superb!” the Dwarf clapped his hands together before leaning against a tree trunk.
As he did so there was a cracking sound. He had put his shoulder through the bark of the tree. Standing back, he frowned.
“This tree trunk is hollow inside,” he observed as he rapped his knuckles on it.
In an instant, two outstretched hands broke through the bark and grappled the Dwarf around the throat. He yelped as the others all watched in shock. The hands were joined by the entire body of a Zombie who smashed through the bark of the tree trunk. Pulling the Dwarf down, it groaned as its sunken eyes stared at him. Just as it was opening its mouth and stooping, it regarded the Dwarf in surprise.
Perturbed, it pushed him away before noticing the others and heading towards them.
The Prince didn’t hang around, slashing his sword through the air so that
the Zombie was cut in half.
As the remains of the creature lay on the floor, the Dwarf arose shakily to brush himself down.
“How come it didn’t bite you?” puzzled the Captain looking at the Dwarf.
“I don’t know…” the Dwarf replied. “Oh yes, I fended it off using my mental powers.”
“I know why!” grinned the Minstrel. “It thought you were too ugly! So much so that it wouldn’t eat you!”
“Yes, yes, very funny,” the Dwarf rolled his eyes. “You under estimate my powers of persuasion.”
“Powers of persuasion?” laughed the Prince. “Oh come on! You’re so ugly that even the Zombies don’t want a piece of you!”
The merry band headed off into the forest with the Dwarf, to the amusement of the others, trying to claim he was telekinetic.
To be continued in ‘Prince Charming & Hansel & Gretal’
Athon 